Saturday, 30 January 2016

awkward turtles & mute maggots

Saturday, 30 January 2016
~Even if I don’t start the conversation, does not mean I’m not dying to talk to you.

Human communication is one damn funny thing. We express ourselves through words, gestures, facial expressions and body postures and it's only logical that this causes many many misunderstandings.But for me, proper conversations are the most difficult. I'm good at writing stories and making up conversations in my head that won't ever happen anyway but when it comes to actual talking I, undergo three awkward stages I want to share with you:

o n e: >talking people close to you<

The first stage is quite enjoyable. With people close to you, as in your friends or your family, you can easily find one topic after another and keep rambling about life, love, books, movies or nothing at all. You can philosophise and laugh and don't have to think /wonder about what to say. Plus, and this might be the best thing, even being silent is enjoyable and doesn't turn out awkward. at least not that fast
These friends also know and accept that you might need some alone time to pull back, relax and recharge and don't mind your awkwardness.

t w o: >talking to strangers<

The next stage is harder but can be fun as well. The first step, to randomly go up to someone and start a conversation is an obstacle but after that you have loads and loads to talk about. Because you don't know anything about the stranger's life you can talk about their goals, past, dreams, hobbies etc. etc.
But to be fair, it's hard not to blurt out the questions and make the conversation feel forced. I mean, it is a little bit awkward if two people sit there and wonder what to say and start a talk with: "uh, so what do you do in your free time?" even though I also tend to forget the easiest questions from time to time
Still, since the people are strangers, it's perfectly fine not to be sure what you can talk about. The other one is probably awkward as well.
Personally, I think it's worse to tell people: "You can ask me anything you want to" (not in that fuckboy-ish "Let's talk about Sex, Baby"-way though, but more in a "I'm willing to talk to you so ask me something"-way). I get why people do that, I'm usually not asking a lot during talks, not because I'm not interested, but because I literally don't know what to ask. But when they tell me to ask something I go mute as a maggot and my brain's turning into a blank space. So, for me, this question makes the conversation so much harder

t h r e e: >talking to people you kinda know<

And then there's the real reason for my struggles. Conversations with people whom you already know in a basic way. You can't ask about hobbies or jobs or anything because you already know either because you've stalked their Facebook profile, you've had an easy conversation before or you've listened to their talks with other people
I know, I know you could still talk like in stage two but I think conversations with people you somehow know shouldn't only be about basic topics. It just doesn't feel right.
Still, even when I know that the person is the most interesting, inspiring person I've ever met, I wouldn't know how to start talking to them. I'm really, really bad at this.
On the other hand, there is so much going on in my head, I barely do small talk. I get awkward too fast and too easy and I'd rather talk about the meaning of life, death, the person's mind, science, flaws and fears.
It's really annoying. I do find topics after the chance to start a conversation is over and note them down on a list list are life but I can't just blurt out deep thoughts like I sometimes do on tgfa lmaoFor example: Only this week I thought about something that keeps bothering me: You actually always see your nose. But the brain decides to ignore it. What if there is a condition/ illness where the brain stops ignoring it. You'd see your nose the whole time! yeah I'm weird. idc
But imagine this in a real talk. It's quiet in the room, one of two people is reading a newspaper and I (in this case the other one) just blurt out something like: “If the universe is everything and it’s extending, where does it extend to?” The other one would think I'm on drugs lmfao

Sigh. I'm awkward.

a d v i s e: 

I: be straight up honest with your problems. Tell people if the silence is uncomfortable. Tell people you're not good at asking questions, maybe they'll start the conversation. And if not, well fuck that. You don't want false people in your life or people who can't handle a little bit silence. 

II: don't get too emotional. Sometimes you construe things people said because of their voices but maybe they are only stressed, tired or sad. Sometimes people are clearly angry but sometimes they aren't. Maybe the advise should rather be "be aware that not everything is exactly what it seems to be".

III: don't construe emojis. People use some of them differently and mean different things with the same emoji. And texting gets weird if you misinterpret an emoji.

IV: it's no problem not to know how to start a conversation. Sometimes the other person does, sometimes something happens and you can talk about the recent event. Just don't freak out.

V: laugh. Laugh about yourself when you've been awkward once again. Because it happens. It's just human.

I should start to take my own advise tbh

I hope this post makes sense. I love late night talks, I'm a good listener and I can give advice but it's hard to explain why I struggle to start talking and why I, or some people, suffer. It's about personal feelings and experiences but I wanted to share my awkwardness with you because, who knows, maybe someone realises they are not alone with their struggles.

off out,
rambling turtle,
Lu Ann

Thursday, 7 January 2016

wanderlust: for the first time in the clouds

Thursday, 7 January 2016
~Wanderlust, is a series where I post about my trips and places I want to visit one day. Plus it's my key to ease my wanderlust.

2015 has been a year full of trips. My summer started off in Rügen, followed by our camping trip to the Netherlands, and continued with a trip to my yearly summer camp, only to end in Kos, Greece.
We started around 2 am because our flight took off at 6 and we had to drive to the airport first. I barely got any sleep since it happened to be my first flight. And it was amazing! I had a window seat and couldn't stop to look out of the window.

Our take off felt like the start of a lift to me but once it was over I was mesmerised by the sky, the clouds and how small the islands looked from up there. It really was an experience to me.
Once we landed we took a bus to our hotel and had the chance to get a first glance at the island.

This is Kos, it's about 287.2 km² and I really loved it's vegetation (which is really different from the vegetation in Germany) and beaches. I saw a lot of abandoned houses, I would've loved to explore, and even more crooked, sandy paths winding around the hills and across the island. It really made me curious.

Arriving in our hotel (Pyli Bay) we quickly realised it was a small but pretty one, and for a simple girl like me, it was luxurious. I know it "only" had three stars but hey, it had two pools, wi-fi, cosy beds, an old tv, a balcony and a ventilator I'd have melted without this one tbf
It was around 300 m away from Marmari Beach, where we spent the first day, mostly reading in the shadow of a tree or swimming even though the water was surprisingly hot and salty
The sea was really pretty at night as well, just as I've seen before in Rügen. This time I tried to take a picture but my camera quality was absolutely rubbish...
But since I'm not the kind of traveller who's just lurking around and tries to get tanned but a curious and adventurous one, we decided to rent a quad bike and explore the island further.

That was our vehicle and it was so so so much fun to drive it myself! It was my first time driving something like this as I only had my driver's license for half a year back then and it was quite hard to steer.

It was a really long trip. We started in Marmari, drove through Tigaki and aimed for Kefalos. We happened to end up in Zia and on our way back we've also been at the highest point in Kos and had a wonderful look all over the island.
We also stopped at a Salt Lake (1st picture) and continued to take all the small, crooked paths I saw when we arrived first. I really wish I would've taken more pictures because the environment was so beautiful.
In the end we stopped at another beach, close to Paradise Beach, and it apparently was a really good place to go snorkelling.
the water was so clear!
This was the beach, and the "road" on the right was the way down - and up! I still can't believe our quad bike made it the way back up.

After coming back to the hotel my Dad allowed me to take the quad bike for a ride on my own and I drove on small roads in the direction of Kos City and ended up in Lambi. While I was heading back I also saw refugees, sitting on mattresses and cardboards and it felt quite weird to be on a holiday while other people had to leave their homes because of a war.

Regardless, I enjoyed my holiday, but it made it clear to me once again, how lucky I am to live here. How lucky we all are, to have enough food, a house and no war. And what a luxury it is to have internet and to be able to blog about this!

The rest of our time we spent trying out Greek food and enjoying the sun and the sea a last time. Here are some more pictures I took at the beach, in a restaurant and of course on our flight back home.

off out,
Lu Ann

Ps: join me on future trips on snapchat at lu_lynx      cu~

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

DIY: Christmastree Cupcakes

Tuesday, 29 December 2015
Merry (late) Christmas!

I know that Christmas is already over but they were really, really tasty and turned out quite good for my first try. So I wanted to share my first ever made cupcakes: Christmastree edition!

You will need ...

250 g flour
150 g sugar
2 tbsp cacao
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 package chocolate drops
250 ml milk
90 ml oil
1 egg
approx. 12 strawberries

First, preheat the oven to 150 degrees. Mix the flour, baking soda and baking powder with the sugar, cacao and the chocolate drops in a large bowl. Add the mild, oil and the egg and stir until well mixed. Spoon the batter into the cases and bake for approx. 20 minutes.

While the muffins/ cupcakes are baking you can start to prepare the frosting and the strawberries.
For that you will need:

125 - 200 g butter
1 package cream cheese
1 box icing sugar
1/2 tsp vanilla
food colouring (green)

Mix the butter with the cream cheese and add the sugar in small intervals until well mixed. Add the vanilla and the food colouring.
Careful! Don't stir for too long and fast, it will make the frosting too runny.

After the muffins are cooled, use a dip of frosting to stick the strawberries on top of the muffins:

Now you can get creative! Use a piping bag with a small star tip and put dips onto the strawberries. I started from the bottom to the top in small rows. To make them look like trees, I used some sugar sprinkles as baubles. You can also use sugar baubles or place sugar stars on the top of the trees.
Finally, I added some icing sugar as snow.

that's it. I admit that I got this idea by browsing through 9gag and just used two basic recipes to make them myself but I thought I'd share them with you guys.

off out,
occasional baker,
Lu Ann

Sunday, 20 December 2015

DIY: Arizona Lanterns

Sunday, 20 December 2015
~creating things can be one of the best things you can do to make you feel good

After having a busy week, I wanted to share a short do-it-yourself today, for something I made not too long ago. I'm quite sure some of you've probably seen it somewhere already but it just looks so pretty.
Plus it's really easy and fast, since you basically only need to do three steps:

Step I: buy Arizona Iced Tea. I highly recommend to take the big bottles. Drink it and clean it, but take care when you open the bottle, since the paper might break.

Step II: buy a chain of lights and fit it in. Mine was a bit too long, so I used one for two bottles and left some of the lamps hanging from the cupboard.

Step III: place the bottles somewhere in your room and plug it in, et voilá

isn't that comfy *-* they look pretty, no matter if you switch on the lights or take them as the only light source. Enjoy!

off out,
Lu Ann

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Snowflake Blues

Sunday, 13 December 2015
Wow, time's running. It's already the third advent and I still don't feel quite christmassy. Today I wanted to do something special, since winter and Christmas are knocking at our doors.
To be honest, I'm quite a summer girl. I'm more active and outgoing in the warmer seasons, I can do more of my sports and I am outside practically all the time. In winter I'd rather read, write or sleep, and stay inside, huddled into a blanket, a cup of hot tea in my hands.
But since I want to stay motivated for winter, I thought I'd make a checklist about what to love about this season.
Here we go:

I Tea - I bloody love tea. In summer I barely drink it, since it's too hot outside, but in winter I always have a good nice cup of tea next to me. I also love to play around with various flavours, like mixing two different tea bags and create an entirely new one. Here in Germany, we have a tea called Hüttentraum and I love to mix it with Cherry-Banana tea. It's just so tasty! Also, I don't know if it's available everywhere out there but go try out Caramell Applepie as well!

 my mobile pictures are getting worse and worse. Can't wait for my new camera

II Oranges - I enjoy fruits so so much, and since some of them are just available (and tasty) during several seasons, it's always something I look forward to. As for oranges, they are not only incredibly tasty but they also smell really really good. You can either dry them or pierce them with cloves and create pomander balls.

now just shoo, onto the heater, so they smell even better <3

also, I tried out Zoella's Dried Oranges and although they're not ready yet, our kitchen smells really, really christmassy. And hooray for my first try!

III Snow - as long as I'm warm and comfy. Although it's horrible to go out to work in the dark and come back home in the dark. Still I love snowball fights with friends ans ice skating. Furthermore, snow on trees is one of the prettiest things ever!

picture by tuckamoorwildcrafts

IV Skiing - Although I don't know yet. The first time I went skiing was a disaster but with proper training I might be able to love it. And since this is also a thing you only/ mainly do in winter, it'll be something I look forward to during other seasons. So hopefully I'll be able to learn it this winter.

Books - A good book is for every season, isn't it? As for me, I'm currently reading a bunch of Sherlock Holmes stories, so I can improve my English and just because I love them. I first read them while being in England a few years ago (also in winter) and it kinda became a winter thing. Also I'm currently reading The Passage by Justin Cronin, a really dark post-apocalyptic novel.

VI Sweaters - do I really have to say more? Oversized sweaters in winter are live. I recently bought one (the last one in the shop, I might add) and I bloody love it. It is indeed too sad, that summer's too warm for sweaters. And note that I'm a summer girl.

VII Blankets - especially when it's dark and snowing or raining and you can just wrap a blanket around yourself, drink a tea and read or write.

VIII Comfortableness - as in with friends or your family. It's great to take a break and relax and just talk or watch movies/ TV-shows. For me, it gets boring during summer but in winter I have no guilt when doing nothing whatsoever.

IX Gingerbread - not everyone enjoys sweets (I'd actually choose fruits over sweets) but the specialities in winter are meant to be loved and cherished. Oh, wait, I might add that the Gingerbread I'm talking about is a thing made in Germany. It's called Herzen, Sterne, Brezeln and I seriously can't get enough of it.

X Baking - since I enjoy sweets in winter I might also add that baking together with friends and family is so much fun - and a winter thing, at least for me. I also have to note that not only making but also eating pastries is fun. Last week, I went into a chocolate café, a small place in my town, where I could choose between different sorts of chocolate for my Hot Chocolate and ate a chocolate cake with a liquid heart. Heaven!

Well, that's it. Ten things I love about winter and can't have in summer. I never put so much thought into this season before and I might start to cherish it more than I used to.

off out,
Lu Ann

Monday, 7 December 2015

Wanderlust: Moving Homes

Monday, 7 December 2015
~Every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home - Matsuo Basho

a sunset above the sea is so pretty I kinda wish to move somewhere close to the sea. This picture was taken on our trip to the Netherlands in 2015. It was the second of two trips I've made with my family, and since I want to talk about both this entry might be a little longer.

and yes, we went with a camper. So technically I didn't move but well ... our "house" did. And it was frikkin' amazing! First of all, I had my bed build onto the table, so I could just lay in bed while driving. I used the time to look out of the front window and enjoy the view. Our camper is in the middle, it is an old fashioned camper but I really love it.

In our first trip, in 2014, we went to Burger's Zoo in Arnhem. It's a beautiful place, where the animals have a lot of space for themselves. You have resorts you can walk through, each including the animals living in this specific environment, such as Safari, Bush, Mangrove, Ocean etc. which makes the experience really adventurous. To be straight up honest, I sometimes felt as if I was in the jungle or in the wild in general but this might just have been my fantasy
Also, the Burger's Zoo was the inspiration for the Leipziger Zoo here in Germany. They actually have a lot in common.

It was really fascinating and the small, crooked paths they build e.g. in the Bush resort, made me feel like a real explorer and adventurer - even if I only walked around in a zoo.
As for this year, we've visited the Apenheul in Apeldoorn. It was kinda like a zoo for monkeys. Cute, tiny, fluffy monkeys, entirely free. Yes, they had no cages and were walking around everywhere. I nearly touched one as well! nearly because at first I didn't there and then they didn't come as close

I can't really remember from which city this picture was, but we've visited Utrecht and Amsterdam each year. Personally, I preferred the first, since it's a little smaller and absolutely gorgeous. The old houses were beautiful and the canals are a great place to sit and talk, daydream and think. Amsterdam is an impressive city too but it is really huge and stressful, since it is a place for tourists. Still, my friend and I figured that practically every street in Amsterdam leads to the red light quarter - which is really awkward for two girls, walking around the city to find cute little cafés or shops and instead ending up in the red light quarter. Like, why are you doing this??

But in the end, we'd always find the small and cute cafés. This one was probably the best. I had a hot chocolate and an iced tea, both was ridiculously tasty and I wish I could find something like this here in Germany. I need to go back and find the name of the café

Our trip this year ended in Nijmegen, another town we decided to visit. I really love ivy and tunnels, since it looks so adventurous and inviting. At least to me. Nijmegen was a little smaller than the cities we've visited before but not less impressive. I wish I would have known that I'd be blogging about my travels by now, so I could've taken more pictures, since we also went to Groningen, an university town in the north of the Netherlands.

The great thing about camping is that you can visit the whole country and always have your home with you. It's a bit like backpacking, but a whole lot faster. Furthermore, you can nearly reach every destination with the bike, when travelling through the Netherlands. One day, I want to do a tour through that beautiful country with nothing but a bike and my backpack. I mean, if there is anything in the Netherlands, it is bikes.

that black stuff on my feet is sand/dirt, and my clumsy self stepped into it.. 
In both years, we've stayed in Ouddorp, a camping place really close to the North Sea. In the first year I went swimming nearly everyday, but this year it was a lot colder and stormy we actually had to stay in the camper one day because it was really windy
Instead of swimming I tried flying a kite. You know, the kites some people use on the water? Yeah, I tried it on the land. And it was incredible. I did quite well tbh

So, this are some last impressions from this year. I've saved starfishes and crabs, since the ebb started but I wanted them to live so I just carried them back into the sea. We also found the shells of a crab's claws, I still have one in my room. I love keeping tiny, unusual objects I found on my travels. It's much better than bought souvenirs, imo.

In the end, I just want to make some suggestions when it comes to travelling the Netherlands. First of all: Ride a bike. It's the perfect country for cycling. Secondly: Try Kippeling. It's a kind of fish wrapped in pastry and it's annoyingly tasty. And once again I curse my country for not having this awesome stuff.
Also, I highly recommend on going on holiday with your family once in a while. It makes them happy and it's another experience and another viewpoint on things. Personally, I think that's great about travelling: The place you go to always changes, depending with whom you go there. Be it alone, with friends or family.

off out,
camper & explorer,
Lu Ann

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Personality Twists

Saturday, 5 December 2015
~People's personalities, like buildings, have various façades, some pleasant to view, some not - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

all the same, but so many varieties. Just like people. All the same, but everyone has their own scars, cuts and wounds. I myself am one person but I have like ... three personalities. The rational, intellectual one, the emotional, caring one, and the sassy, sarcastic one. that sounds weirder than it is tbh
All of them are me and I use all of them in various situations and with various people. After being gone for the week, I discovered something new behind the various faces people wear.

I don't know if any of you has experienced this before: A person, let's call this person 64, acts in a really comfortable way in front of you, but completely changes as soon as
A there are other people around you, or
B when talking to somebody else?
please tell me I'm not the only one who observes people while they talk to others

Most of us know case A. Your crush changes when he/she's with his/her friends. Your new friend seems a little different when he/she is around old friends. That makes one feel uncomfortable but some of these 64 take this to a whole new level: They act around you in one way, go to the next person, put on a different face and act like the bloody opposite! Most times this comes with ignoring or abandoning you.
As you can see, I'm not talking about acting differently around friends, family, strangers or your crush I'd turn into a total retard while talking to that last one anyway. This feels more like you discover a new person within the person you thought you knew. But you realise you didn't.

And personally, I think it's really hard to figure out on how to act around these people and how much you can trust them. I mean, it's obvious that you can't love and cherish all the faces people have. If you are able to care for more than one face you've earned a close friend - or a lover.
But what happens when you see someone's second face and you just don't like it or even feel like it's quite disturbing? It might make you think about the relationship you have with this person. About how 64 acted around you and around them, how different the personality seems. You can either accept and tolerate it (earning yourself a new friend) or you can take a step back, getting to know this new face, taking care of yourself and your trust (and/or just keep a platonic friendship).
I know you might lose friends this way. It hurts because people touch your life and leave traces before disappearing. And in the end it's just about you, since it is your life. I just don't think people like a 64 stay true to themselves. And I want to know a person for who they are and not for who they think I want them to be.

I'm really curious though, if any of you have experienced something like this. My last 64 was a fuckboy and changing faces totally works for fuckboys. Maybe even only with fuckboys. A new face for every girl~
But did you have an old or new friend changing so much that it changed something inside of you or how you felt about him/her? Or is it just my emotional self talking? Please, tell me down below in the comments.

off out,
ranting thinker,
Lu Ann